At first I was upset at her, but then I was upset at myself.
She assumed these things about my husband because I was silent.
No one sees. No one knows.
But I do.
So I’m saying it.
I stopped writing much about him because it felt unrelateable.
But if I don’t speak who will?
I’m the only one that sees him get the children dressed for church each Sunday so I can have extra time to get ready. Clean dirty diapers without mentioning it. Buckle them all in their car seats so I don’t have to.
I’m the only one who knows he thanks me for dinner when it’s burned, or quietly gets his own, when I didn’t find the time.
I’m the only one who sees his patience as I complain. Or vent. Or tell him things that he probably never wanted to know.
I’m the only one who feels his strong arms around me In middle of the night carrying me to the bathroom, or lifting me off the couch—over and over and over without a moment of hesitation or frustration.
No one sees. No one knows.
But I do.
So I’m saying it.
No one understands how in every situation he makes me feel protected and safe. Through every trial this pregnancy has brought, I have peace, because I’m holding his hand, and can cry on his shoulder.
No one knows the tedious tasks he does every day, or the dreams he puts on the back burner to provide for our family.
No one sees the way he ungrudgingly pays for cleaning or a babysitter so I can have time alone. The way he fuels up the car so I don’t ever have to get out in the cold. The way he turns on my seat warmer. The toothpaste he puts on my toothbrush.
No one feels the way he kisses me so I feel beautiful and desired . . . in this season where I fight lies of my body being broken and unlovable.
No one sees. No one knows.
But I do.
So I’m saying it.
It’s the long nights. And the arguments. And the dark moments people want to read about.
But the truth is, I pinch myself every day that somehow he’s my someone.
I’ve never respected a man so much. Or felt
more unconditionally loved. I’m humbled by his selflessness that no one sees or knows . . . but I do.
So I’m saying it.
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